Reflections on My Life
Hello everyone! I’m Christina, the other half of The Freebirth Sisters. I’m so excited to share a glimpse into my life, where I’ve come from and where I am at today.
Saskatchewan has only been my home for ten years; this story actually begins on the West Coast. I grew up in B.C., the middle child of 3, in a family that focused on the importance of music education. I studied piano from the age of 3 and cello from the age of 6, spending much of my younger years driving to music lessons, theory lessons, orchestra or chamber music rehearsals and concerts - oh, and practicing. Many, many hours of practicing. I enjoyed music, although I always struggled with the toxic competitive atmosphere that permeates much of the industry.
In my final year of high school, I felt quite conflicted. Yes, I loved music but I didn’t know if I had what it took to be a professional cellist (my main instrument). I also was in a serious long distance relationship with my now husband. I felt strongly that I owed it to myself to explore my musical career further so I took the leap and moved to Calgary, studying for a Bachelor in Music Performance. I enjoyed many aspects of my years in Calgary but continued to struggle with the highly competitive nature of the industry and the self deprecation that followed any performance that wasn’t up to my very high standards (of near perfection). Still, I learned a tremendous amount and owe much of my current success as a musician and teacher to those years. `
In 2009, I married the love of my life and moved to Saskatchewan, onto a 3rd generation family farm. I continued to work towards a career in music, landing a job with the Saskatoon Symphony and opening a private music teaching studio. However, I faced a challenging season of change and transition. Despite having visited the farm for most of my teenage years, living there was quite an adjustment! I was immersed in the farming way of life, including a huge garden and food processing operation, along with the crazy, unpredictable schedule my husband had (solely dictated by the weather) and many months of cold winter, during which I struggled with isolation and loneliness. Not much about farming has changed in the last ten years - still a big garden, crazy schedule, and long winters - but I am a different person now. While this lifestyle does have moments that drive me crazy, I absolutely love living on the farm. I love the space and freedom we enjoy as a family, the deep connection to the earth, an appreciation for the change of seasons and the different pace of life that each brings. I have fallen in love with the scenery, the endless sky and gorgeous sunsets. Most of all, I am so glad we have decided to raise our family here. I often joke about my ‘free-range’ girls but truly, the lessons they learn and experiences they have while roaming acres of prairie are invaluable.
My journey through motherhood could likely take a blog post (or 3) on it’s own but I will try to share the most influential moments. My pregnancy with our first daughter was unexpected - I had only been living on the farm for 6 months and was still struggling to adjust to my new life. I felt so insecure about my readiness for motherhood. None of my friends were in this season of life. I felt so alone. I was also very determined to figure things out on my own, and perfectly too (thanks to my music training.) Both of these factors led to self-inflicted isolation for most of my pregnancy and postpartum period. It wasn’t until I was around 5 months pregnant that I decided I should learn something about birth. I opened a book titled Active Birth by Janet Balaskas and could not put it down. When I stumbled on the word ‘doula’, I immediately turned to Google. I already knew the 5-7 minute appointments with the obstetrician my family doctor had referred me to were awful: very disconnected, cold and rushed. I could identify that this wasn’t what I wanted but had no idea where to start.
My research into doulas led me to a birth preparation course, a search for a hands off family doctor for my birth and a doula to support us. I know that my relatively ‘positive’ hospital birth experience, with minimal meddling, would have gone very differently if I hadn’t made these changes.
While her actual birth went seamlessly (especially for a first birth in the hospital), the treatment my daughter and I experienced in the first 6 hours after birth was horrific. I felt positively on fire about my birth experience (which led me to birth work) but struggled with every aspect of the postpartum period. I can trace the many challenges I faced back to the butchering of the golden hour after her birth and the moments that followed. We can’t overestimate the power those first few hours hold.
My passion for birth was so unexpected. I couldn’t imagine loving something more than I loved music and I certainly didn’t feel I needed a second career or calling; however, birth was a different kind of passion - it wouldn’t let me go. I am so glad I dove as it led me to places of personal growth I would never have experienced otherwise. I became a different kind of mother, a different woman, as well as a more whole and healed person thanks to my journey in birth work. (Read more about that journey here). Truly, the ripple effects are endless and for that reason, while I still love music, birth is the true passion of my heart.
In 2013 and 2016, we welcomed 2 more daughters to our family, both born at home. The difference in these births from my first (especially the postpartum period) could not have been more shocking. I was equally horrified at how far-reaching the damage was from my hospital birth and tremendously thankful and grateful for the healing I experienced from my home births. I now know on a deep level that birth can change you, even if you’ve been through it before. Each birth and the very special time that follows has the potential for incredible healing, processing, and growth. I feel so blessed to have experienced birth as a personal transformation, each one different from the last, each one an opportunity to explore a new depth, shift and growth as a woman.
In 2016, my sister moved out to the farm when her husband accepted a job working for us. This has absolutely been a dream come true. Raising our families right next door to each other, sharing all of life’s little moments and most of all, working together as The Freebirth Sisters means everything to us. Gardening (which I initially wasn’t sure was more than a form of dirty torture) has become the highlight of each spring and summer season. We produce a huge amount of food, feeding 3 families (over 15 people!) and spend (almost) every waking hour in August harvesting and processing the food for winter storage. Sarah and I love growing food, connecting with the earth, and feeding our families the bounty of our hard work. We also share a love of running, homemade body products, delectable food creations, and finding new ways to live a more simple, connected life. I am so blessed that life has brought me to this place.
Currently, Ethan and I are working on renovating his childhood home, a 1916 farmhouse. It’s a huge undertaking and if you’re interested, you can follow our slow, sporadic progress on Instagram @big.house.on.the.priaire. I’m learning lots of new skills, especially patience. We’re so excited to raise our children in the same home he was raised in!
In closing, I’d like to share with you that we are absolutely thrilled to be adding another sweet baby to our family, sometime in the spring of 2020. This is my first truly wild and free pregnancy - I didn’t even use the pee stick to test! - and I cannot wait to share how different it has been from my first 3. I’ve also been reflecting on the radical differences between my first pregnancy ten years ago and my current pregnancy. It’s been richly rewarding to see how much I’ve changed and grown in the last decade. Please follow this blog and our social media for updates and reflections on my wild pregnancy, how I’m preparing to be a mother to 4 (!!) and how I’m getting ready for my first free birth.